Yesterday, I dined at a hotel in Kalyani Nagar with my friends. After meal, we went to MacD for icecream or something like that. Pushing the glass door (of MacD) open (which has a big wheel for handle), I glanced a little left. And my (already pounding) heart gave a jolt and resumed with more speed. That table behind the glass, that’s the one I celebrated my first *true* date. The day, the date and the occasion will never leave my memory lane ever.
It happens a lot now a days. Everywhere I go, the place has a memory, of her, of being there with her, of having spent most happiest moments of life (so far) with her.
Few months ago, we used to spend long nice evenings and weekends together and suddenly I found myself alone and her far far away than she had ever gone. Not that she left me forever, not that we severed ties, but still, the circumstances forced her for moving to another city. Things just didn’t settle with her going away, as I (am sure) was marked for experience of being God’s Yo-Yo.
She moved in with her relatives and bad days returned spreading sadness everywhere. Her company was already playing villain in our love story and things were suddenly combined with family restrictions. For obvious reasons, she can’t call me frequently. Or strictly speaking, we now talk for max 10 minutes a day. Some days even pass without listening the voices of each other (which is the root of all this story).
Flexibility being my most adored quality, I adjusted my lifestyle to fill the blank space created by her absence. But I never saw this coming. I knew I would miss her but…. Now, I can’t bear to go any place I have visited with her. I just can’t concentrate on anything. I keep missing her smile, missing her glances while talking, missing her eyes for locking, missing her hands while walking and much more things…. I just miss everything. Everything seems like missing from my life. Every Happy feeling, every enjoying moments, everything. Its just like I have lost myself again.
For a month or so I didn’t realize her absense as I was busy. Now empty head leads to weird thoughts. And my mind feels her absense instead. May be this will last only few days and then I will get used to it. But still I don’t know how long. I haven’t even dared to visit any Garden, Malls, Roads, Lanes where we spent most of our time yet. I just lose my vigillance and everthing and become a person whose head is empty and eyes vacant.
My friends must have noticed this as I can see them trying to change subjects and stop me from entering this vacant feel when someone mentions her. This won’t feel like being God’s Yo Yo though. Things would have been much worse if it was the case. May be I should be glad about the point that we are not totally disconnected from each other. It simplifies lot of things if perceived this way.
Feeling much better now. Speaking out always helps (even if its not making any sense for others)
My brain surely needs some tweaking.
Life is not as simple as it seems…… or may be it is.