I wanted to resume blogging with a dhaasu post as Reema suggested, but NO.
Please note before reading further, you are warned!!

A word that describes what one feels.

I was being crushed under some feelings for last many days (and its not over yet).
here are those feelings (please forgive me for not elaborating the real life circumstances):

You know something is going to happen (sooner or later), something that is clearly going to ***k up your life (at least to some extent). And all you can do is wait and wait and wait and…..

Now you know how helplessness is weaving its net around you closing in and trapping you, hopelessness is the one who takes things to next level. You stop seeing/finding any way out from the booby trap. you start feeling hopelessly helpless.

When you are hopelessly helpless, you can’t help but feel everything a bit more lifeless. Nothing makes you happy, nothing makes you smile, nothing makes you feel envy anymore.

Pessimistically Optimistic
Until now, you are helpless, and you are hopelessly trying to do all lifeless routines, and then you reach a pessimistically optimistic feeling (something like,” It will be better to face it sooner than later”).
Leave me alone type of loneliness
Now you are optimistically expecting pessimistic things to happen, you want to be left alone. You need privacy, you need time for yourself……. in which you keep feeling lonely. You don’t want to be disturbed but it doesn’t mean you don’t want anyone around. Weird thing is, you want to be alone at the same time loneliness is killing you.

Idiotic Madness
At last you reach the supremacy. Now you are nearly mad or you think so. You behave like an idiot and ask stupid questions. You try keeping your loved ones at a distance (not that you don’t need them) because you fear their caring. You think you don’t deserve it. Life sucks. It screws you for things you ought to have done in past but you didn’t. You can’t understand Life fully, ever, no one can!! But this does not mean you shouldn’t try to understand, actually, you should!!

Then one day, your dear friend tells you to vent everything out, write it, tell others about it, and you think “yeah…”.
Next day, Life reminds you of everything written above by playing with you, playing!!
And after staring blankly at “Create New Post” box for half an hour, you start writing something at 3.15AM, and now you check the calendar and with a jolt of heart you notice that its the same day you were planning of returning to blogging.
Yes, I am back.
with new hopes (because, after Idiotic Madness, a news comes which tells you that Life haven’t given you up yet!!!)

Life is not as simple as it seems, or may be, it is.

21 thoughts on “feelings

  1. I’m quite helpless regarding something happening at my end too 🙂 I’ve finally learned to just let go and stop thinking. That’s the only way to remain sane.

  2. First Welcome back dear!! And now stay!
    2nd Cheer up dude. Life is a roller coaster, there are ups and downs. U cant avoid it so better enjoy the ride while it lasts!
    3rd The theme sucks hopelessly and helplessly.
    4th Comment on my posts 😛

  3. Aww.. why soooooo sad (though i know most of the reasons!) but still cheer up. Am sure you would feel better as time pass by.

    And even though you wont like my saying it, “pleaseeeee change the theme!! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeese” !!


    Good to see you back! 🙂

  4. cheer up dude , as reema said life is indeed a roller coster ride ,..u are up and then next moment u are down. .
    LIfe is unfair and we just cant do anything but vent it out ..
    I am sure everything will be alright soon …

  5. => Ruhi
    Yes, that is the only way out 🙂 and I had to change that theme due to increasing public protests…… I liked it too 😀

    => Reema
    I don’t know how long I will stay, but I have you who will make sure that I come back again 😛
    And the roller coaster example is cool. It explains everything 🙂

    => Sakhi
    Sadness is long gone, or may be it wasn’t there at first place. Its just a “gone numb” head. 😀
    And see I changed the theme.

    => Arvind
    Diwali surely cheered me up. 😀 Empty pockets and last day at home are the only things now I am afraid of.

    => Dinu
    Now now dude, haven’t you read that line before? 😀 Try googling it and see the results. 🙂

    => Anshul
    Yes my friend, all is well.

  6. welcome back.
    it’s difficult, we all know and been through. been learning from it, letting go and moving on it’s the best thing to do. you might not realize it now, but looking back, you would sure do one day.

  7. sad to hear about these things going on in your life Suda. I hope things get sorted out soon, but I think life goes in phases and I hope your good phase comes soon.

  8. Life is hard, accept it.
    Life is a roller coaster ride, enjoy it.
    Life is damn crazy learn from it.

    Cheer up !
    Its when you go through a hard time that you would always remember the happy times. Thats when you realize that you went through the happy times without enjoying it to the fullest !
    Dont worry you would get past it soon….

  9. =>Reema
    and now?

    🙂 🙂

    Thanks 🙂

    => Nita
    Don’t worry I am out of it now… 🙂

    => Xylene
    Wow, looks like life has taught you much more than rest of us 😛

  10. I know that feeling when you are totally helpless ….. you know that there is something which shouldn’t happen but you can’t do a thing against it ….. similar to a time bomb placed in front of your eyes ticking life away …. and you don’t know how to defuse it …. no way out …

  11. =>Sharad
    Thanks Sharad 🙂

    Yes. That was the condition. But the bombs have been removed by the terrorists themselves and we are feeling stupid 😀 But that is loads better than previous condition.

    8 O Please explain, I didn’t get the meaning : ? :

  12. Pingback: Life, Plans, Mess, God, Dad « Life Love and Logic

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