Few days ago, my life got struck by a major thunder blow….. and I couldn’t take is as sportingly as one should in such cases. And I did fall, and kept falling… and I am still falling. Damn, thats a long way to bottom. I hope there is a bottom to fall on my bottom. 😀
People always say I can make anyone serious(some call it depressed 😛 ) just by talking. But I beg to differ.
I can’t keep humour out of most serious situations(and get scolded for it). Anyway, this post is not about me and my qualities. Then what is it about? Well, I don’t know. Stay tuned, we might find out it.
Look at my blog title. Life, Love and Logic. People always use these words. Life, lives, destiny, fate, feelings, career, love, attraction, dedication, inspiration etc etc. All BIG words. Do they really mean anything?
Great. What a question!! Here is one more (idiot) trying to find meaning in the words(that would be me) 😉 .
Do we actually need any meaning? Do you really care if you are using a much bigger word for a tiny thing? I guess not. You are right. You should not care. Its your world and nobody owns you, right? You face your own fate (some people write their own fate, they are a different topic entirely). You find your love on your own (or love finds you). You live your lives with each other and share the feelings(and credit cards).
In short, there are no obligations at all. Everything is optional. Or it seems to be.
So who are we obliged to? Ourselves!
My last post was about how I want to redefine my life. But why am I doing that?
Read between the lines
What’s fucked up and everything’s alright
Check my vital signs
To know I’m still alive and I walk alone….
From last two months, I have been listening to unlimited songs. Just listening. Taking in all the words(the ones I understand, ofcourse). Now I feel the true power of music. And poets. I keep getting a feeling that some song is about me, its written for me, its written about me.
So no one told you life was gonna be this way
Your jobs a joke, you’re broke, your love life’s D.O.A.
It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear
And it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month,
or even your year…..
How true. I can simply relate to these lines. Recently I noticed one thing about myself is that I am getting used to being alone. Not that it has not much to do with so called thunder blows. The blows contributed a lot to my misery but I can’t claim they started it. I feel like I am alone at every step..
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I’m the only one and I walk a…
My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart’s the only thing that’s beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
‘Til then I walk alone…
And why not. I am the one who is out of touch with old friends. I am the one who spends weekends alone instead of going home. And many more things.
But wait!! I can’t say I am totally alone. That would be injustice to my new friends at workplace. They were the ones who gave me moral support in spite of the fact they knew nearly nothing about me in detail.
The question is why did I act stupid. Why did I force myself to be in exile? Honestly, I don’t know. Or may be I do.
I did everything for a reason.
For something I wanted to last for my lifetime. And after that too.
Something very special.
But something was not right. Nothing was going as I would have liked and well, it never does. So I tried to find out what was wrong, I tried to fix it.
I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time
when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
But you can’t fix things which are beyond repair. May be this was the case with me. I was trying to mend something which was never seamlessly joined at first place. I was thinking of it as a ‘whole’ all the time and I was wrong.
“Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see Life with a clearer view again.”
I never shed my tears unless I know its worth it. And clearly this was not it. No tears. No beers. Only hope and salvation(yeah right). I needed something to focus on. Something to distract me from past. I have not found it yet.
I don’t know what it will be, a new job or a new bike or entirely new life somewhere. I don’t really know. And this time I will be ready.
“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”
Who thinks about ending? I don’t. Not always. Looks like its high time I learned thinking about big the picture in
personal life as well.
What about past? Is it as simple as it looks to put things behind you and never look back? No, its not. How about forgetting everything? I am already (in)famous for forgetting lots of stuff(birthdays mostly 😉 ).
How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Eternal. Another big word. 😀 I like it.
Today I found this song titled Swear it again. The guy singing the song wants to start over. He is ready to swear all oaths again.
I wanna know
Who ever told you I was letting go
Of the only joy that I have ever known
Girl, they were lying
Just look around
And all of the people that we used to know
Have just given up, they wanna let it go
But we’re still trying
So you should know this love we share was never made to die
I’m glad we’re on this one way street just you and I
Just you and I
I’m never gonna say goodbye
Cos I never wanna see you cry
I swore to you my love would remain
And I swear it all over again
All over again?? Hahahah…. In your dreams baby!!