Wish Fish

8

I am desperately trying to make some cartoons which will turn out to be stupidest cartoons of all time. But unfortunately, some people find them funny. May be I am still not making full effort. Now, how about this?

Wish Fish (click to enlarge)

Wish Fish (click to enlarge)

Now no one can beat this!!! :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

Job at the FBI (bad bad joke) ;)

9

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were finished, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

‘We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair .. . . Kill her!!’

The man said, ‘You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.’

The agent said, ‘Then you’re not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.’

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, ‘I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.’

The agent said, ‘You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.’

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband.

She took the gun and went into the room.

Shots were heard, one after another.

They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.

After a few minutes, all was quiet…………

The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.

‘This gun is loaded with blanks’ she said, ‘I had to beat him to death with the chair.

MORAL: Women are…..you know…. Don’t….. no…. NEVER mess with them. 😀

****************************************************************

What a racist joke. I don’t like it, I don’t like it at all. I really don’t like it.  😉

Confessions Revisited

38

Its a wrong title!!

But anyway, its high up there and I am not going to change it now.

Inspired from Best Tag Ever by Reema, and my old Confessions post, here I present Confessions Revisited!!!

ALL QUESTIONS ARE INVENTED BY ME, THEY ARE NOT AUTOMATICALLY GENERATED 😀

!!~ AND THIS IS NOT A TAG ~!!

This is a series of posts, and today’s post is All-Girls due to public demand.

Q. #1 What do you think about AlliRekha?
Ans:
Think?? Now now, guys, she is just a child 😀 Chotisi nanhisi pyarisi bachchi hai!!! 😛

Q. #2 Say something about Reema!! 😈
Ans:

Fat? No,
Small?? Noo,
Shy? WTH?,
Sweet? errr!,
Sporting? Yeah 🙂 ,
Cool? Do you mean Cold(blooded)?  😛 ,
Sexy? Can I say pass?
Tall? oi, don’t you get bored?,
Slim? You wish!!! 😛
Intelligent? Who is not? But this girl have too much brainpower!! I wish I can steal some from her!!
Her Smile? I just know how much she laughs! Can’t control once it starts. Unbelievable? Yeah I know what you mean 😀
Her hair? you want me to get killed?
Her blog? Best thing happened to her in life. Well may be second best thing 😀
Her Friendship? I wish I had her as friend from childhood 9and I wish I will have her as friend till eternity) (Are you feeling okay, Suda?).
What will you gift her? Questioner, you are so boring that I am quiting now. The End.

Q. #3 You were saying something about Nita yesterday??
Ans:
Ohh Thanks for reminding 😀 . I was saying that if she doen’t comment on my blog now, then I will burst in to her house and eat everything in Fridge, Big Dabba’s and steal her keyboard and bribe one of her daughter to hide behind her bedroom door and shout Bhooooooo very loudly as she enters!!!

Q. #4 What is most unusual thing about Shefaly?
Ans:
Wait a minute!! You are not supposed to ask questions about her!! She gets angrily amused by such nonsense!! Now you have done this…. ab bhugto!! 😀 I am not saying anything to Shefaly Didi (and now I know she understands Marathi) so this question is not valid. I request it to be removed from records and everyone who read it please mark it as unread and don’t read it. 😀

Q. #5 Whats the matter with Sulz? I don’t see you commenting on her blog even you say you like her?
Ans:
I am glad you asked!! Well, no, not exactly glad. Err, the problem is, my office firewall has listed her blog in Porn category WHICH IS TOTALLY UNFAIR!!!
When I tried telling our System’s Guys about it, they totally misunderstood me and jumped to their PC’s to browse her blog 😀 😛 and I ran away before facing their dis-appointed facial expressions!
Sometimes I feel bad about this and sometimes find it funny. I am not sure how she will react now.

Q. #6 Hey, who is this Scorpria?
Ans:
A very cute girl who has long curly hair, sweet voice, nice bathroom 😀 , a cool blog and much very good sense of humor. Okay, now forget first two points. 😛

Q. #7 What is importance of Sakhi in your life?
Ans:
She always do rescue me from Reema (who comes in my dreams to teach Greek Language) and then give me lots of Pani-Puri’s(in dreams of course).

Q. #8 Hi Rekha, how are you?
Ans:
I PAID YOU TO ASK QUESTIONS TO ME,  NOT TO SOME GIRL JUST BECAUSE SHE IS SWEET!!!

Q. #9 If you are asked to throw Poonam and Nova, who will score more for you?
Ans:
Can I eat them? 😀 Both are equally sweet and se…(no, I only eat sweets)

Q. #10 Do you know Aparna Go…something?
Ans:
Ohh yeah, that girl, who looks like she is sneezing in her profile photo on WP? 😛

To be continued……

Okay, enough for today. People who are not mentioned here, don’t worry, aapka number bhi aayega!!!

Nita, change your profile photo for a change!! 😀

Disclaimer: No pun, trouble intended. Everything is just for fun!!

Enjoy.

Cheers.

Ladies and Lads … Attention please!!

23

I found something interesting somewhere on internet.

WOMAN has MAN in it .

SHE has HE in it.

Mrs. Has Mr. In it.

LADY has LAD in it.

MISTERESS has MISTER in it.

MADAM has ADAM in it.

HOSTESS has HOST in it.

FEMALE has MALE in it

……

….

..

.

Any comments, girls? (and boys too if they have stopped grinning 😀 )

Cheers

Priceless words

7

PRICELESS WORDS

A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover.
He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees
is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and
pressed. He looks around the room and sees that
it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.
“Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping.
DrunkLove You!”

Totally shocked with the note , he goes to the kitchen and
sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating. He asks, “Son, what happened last night?”
His son says, “Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious.
Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye
when you stumbled into the door”. Confused, the man asks,
“So, why is everything in order and so clean, and
breakfast is on the table waiting for me?
I should expect a big quarrel with her!”
His son replies, “Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom,
and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off,
you said,

“LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I’M MARRIED!”

Moral
Self-induced hangover – $ 400.00
Broken crockery – $ 800.00
Breakfast – $ 10.00
Saying the Right Thing While Drunk – “PRICELESS “

There are truly some things that both money and Mastercard can’t buy

Note: I am not writer of this, this is from a forward mail that I liked.

Cheers
Suda

Google Did A Good Joke

5
See what I found while surfing Google News.
Google has classified the news of MNS asking for 80% quota in PVT companies under ENTERTAINMENT SECTION.
Wow! Nice one Google! Its really amusing. Also see the second news, its all about political parties and still it can be found under entertainment category.

Well, it can be a mistake. Or I am taking it in wrong way. May be Google’s definition of Entertainment differs from mine.
But when I hear about anything done recently by MNS, think upon it(hardly) and tell it to friends, I also categorize it as entertainment. So I am not blaming Google for doing it.

No comments on politics!! I don’t like politics and I try my best to stay away from it.
Why? Is politics so bad? Well, my answer is still: no comments!
There are enough individuals and groups of people out there commenting, protesting and supporting politics in India and worldwide. So I don’t want to be just another person who keeps shouting about politics because people hear it.

Thats all. Stop politics……….. Ok…….. Stop.

Now, how many of us really think before commenting on something? You think you do? Wait for my next post, I am gonna comment on this! :-p

Great Software Quotes….. Take your own time…. but must read

0

UNIX is simple. But It just needs a genius to understand its simplicity.

–Dennis Ritchie

Before software can be reusable, it first has to be usable.

–Ralph Johnson

Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.

–Fred Brooks

Theory is when you know something, but it doesn’t work. Practice is when something works, but you don’t know why it works. Programmers combine theory and practice: Nothing works and they don’t know why.

It’s hard enough to find an error in your code when you’re looking for it; it’s even harder when you’ve assumed your code is error-free.

-Steve McConnell Code Complete

If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilisation.

-Gerald Weinberg

The Six Phases of a Project:

Enthusiasm

Disillusionment

Panic

Search for the Guilty

Punishment of the Innocent

Praise for non-participants

Good code is its own best documentation. As you’re about to add a comment, ask yourself, ‘How can I improve the code so that this comment isn’t needed?’ Improve the code and then document it to make it even clearer.

–Steve McConnell Code Complete

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

–Bertrand Russell

No matter how slick (efficient) the demo is in rehearsal, when you do it in front of a live audience the probability of a flawless presentation is inversely proportional to the number of people watching, raised to the power of the amount of money involved.

One of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

–Robert Firth

Fifty years of programming language research and we end up with C++?

–Richard A. O’Keefe

C programmers never die. They are just cast into void.

If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.

–Edser Dijkstra

You can either have software quality or you can have pointer arithmetic, but you cannot have both at the same time.

–(Bertrand Meyer)

(Thoughtful…)

There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third works.

–Alan J. Perlis

Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight.

–Bill Gates

The first 90% of the code accounts for the first 90% of the development time. The remaining 10% of the code accounts for the other 90% of the development time.

–Tom Cargill

Programmers are in a race with the Universe to create bigger and better idiot-proof programs, while the Universe is trying to create bigger and better idiots. So far the Universe is winning.

–Anon

As soon as we started programming, we found to our surprise that it wasn’t as easy to get programs right as we had thought. Debugging had to be discovered. I can remember the exact instant when I realized that a large part of my life from then on was going to be spent in finding mistakes in my own programs.

–Maurice Wilkes discovers debugging, 1949

I did say something along the lines of “C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows your whole leg off.”

–Bjarne Stroustrup

It has been said that the great scientific disciplines are examples of giants standing on the shoulders of other giants. It has also been said that the software industry is an example of midgets standing on the toes of other midgets.

–Alan Cooper About Face

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.

–Pablo Picasso

If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong.

–attributed to Norm Schryer

Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.

–Will Rogers

Einstein argued that there must be simplified explanations of nature, because God is not capricious or arbitrary. No such faith comforts the software engineer .

–Fred Brooks, Jr.

As we said in the preface to the first edition, C “wears well as one’s experience with it grows.” With a decade more experience, we still feel that way.

–Brian Kernighan and Dennis Ritchie

Simplicity is prerequisite for reliability

–Edsger W.Dijkstra

I’ve finally learned what “upward compatible” means. It means we get to keep all our old mistakes.

–Dennie van Tassel

Rules of Optimization:

Rule 1 Don’t do it.

Rule 2 (for experts only): Don’t do it yet.

–M.A. Jackson

Most software today is very much like an Egyptian pyramid with millions of bricks piled on top of each other, with no structural integrity, but just done by brute force and thousands of slaves.

–Alan Kay

Every program has (at least) two purposes: the one for which it was written, and another for which it wasn’t.

–Alan J. Perlis

Technology is dominated by two types of people: Those who understand what they do not manage. Those who manage what they do not understand.

–Putt’s Law

Copy and paste is a design error

–David Parnas

Any code of your own that you haven’t looked at for six or more months might as well have been written by someone else.

–Eagleson’s law

The primary duty of an exception handler is to get the error out of the lap of the programmer and into the surprised face of the user. Provided you keep this cardinal rule in mind, you can’t go far wrong.

–Verity Stob