I wanted to resume blogging with a dhaasu post as Reema suggested, but NO.
Please note before reading further, you are warned!!
A word that describes what one feels.
I was being crushed under some feelings for last many days (and its not over yet).
here are those feelings (please forgive me for not elaborating the real life circumstances):
You know something is going to happen (sooner or later), something that is clearly going to ***k up your life (at least to some extent). And all you can do is wait and wait and wait and…..
Now you know how helplessness is weaving its net around you closing in and trapping you, hopelessness is the one who takes things to next level. You stop seeing/finding any way out from the booby trap. you start feeling hopelessly helpless.
When you are hopelessly helpless, you can’t help but feel everything a bit more lifeless. Nothing makes you happy, nothing makes you smile, nothing makes you feel envy anymore.
Until now, you are helpless, and you are hopelessly trying to do all lifeless routines, and then you reach a pessimistically optimistic feeling (something like,” It will be better to face it sooner than later”).
Leave me alone type of loneliness
Now you are optimistically expecting pessimistic things to happen, you want to be left alone. You need privacy, you need time for yourself……. in which you keep feeling lonely. You don’t want to be disturbed but it doesn’t mean you don’t want anyone around. Weird thing is, you want to be alone at the same time loneliness is killing you.
At last you reach the supremacy. Now you are nearly mad or you think so. You behave like an idiot and ask stupid questions. You try keeping your loved ones at a distance (not that you don’t need them) because you fear their caring. You think you don’t deserve it. Life sucks. It screws you for things you ought to have done in past but you didn’t. You can’t understand Life fully, ever, no one can!! But this does not mean you shouldn’t try to understand, actually, you should!!
Then one day, your dear friend tells you to vent everything out, write it, tell others about it, and you think “yeah…”.
Next day, Life reminds you of everything written above by playing with you, playing!!
And after staring blankly at “Create New Post” box for half an hour, you start writing something at 3.15AM, and now you check the calendar and with a jolt of heart you notice that its the same day you were planning of returning to blogging.
Yes, I am back.
with new hopes (because, after Idiotic Madness, a news comes which tells you that Life haven’t given you up yet!!!)
Life is not as simple as it seems, or may be, it is.