that scary white face


Two days ago, I had a bad dream. It was a few seconds dream. May be just 4-5 seconds. But it made me jump so badly that my mom came over to ask what happened.

I was in half hearted sleep. I was able to listen mom telling off my brother over something and I was also unable to make out her words clearly. Irritated I turned to look at my right. I saw someone sleeping over there with blanket over his head. He stirred in sleep and took his blanket down enough to show his black hair. ‘Hmmm’, I thought,’he can’t see me, I should call…’. I was happy about something, it was like I found a friend when I needed one. It was happiness you feel when for example you are bored and want to go on a night stroll outside and you wake your friend take him with to chat. Funny thing was that I felt same type of happiness and I stretched my hand to call him.
He stirred again, he was lying on his right arm with his back to me, by left hand he removed the blanket and got halfway up. Then silently he turned to me. I was expecting a smile and gali but a it turned out a white face. He smiled meekly, tilted his head to his right and said,”hey buddy….”
And I woke up shuddering. My heart hammering madly. I was struck with shock of seeing that face at the time I was least expecting it. It was not horrible in looks but its was surely horrible and cruel in feeling.

Consider yourself in the situation. You are happily waking up your friend for sharing/doing something and you find a creepy white face known or its cruel styles in the place of your friend.

I know it sounds a stupid dream. But it scared me very much. I think it was the night I was missing one of my dear friend.


lost treasure…. lost smile


“He is natural, this Suda, really refreshing personality”

“He is just a child yaar, don’t talk about personality, he is just sweet”

“This boy is simply born to smile and make us smile”

“Suda, will you please control and try not to smile while I am trying to teach?”
—>”What? no I am not smiling at anything madam!! Why are you saying that?”

“No madam, his face is have that smile always, he is not trying to intrude your teaching or anything :P”

“I love it when you smile, make me shiver with…..”


I remember hearing these lines every now and then at home, in school, from teachers, from neighbours, at playgrounds, from junior college staff, at Engineering classes, from lecturers(Ladies!!!!) who were hardly a year older than me, from my classmates and now only from my (will be) soulmate!! My grandma always did “Najar Utaro Bachcheki” stuff whenever she got chance. (Somebody please explain “Najar Utarna” in English for others).
All this stuff is in past tense!!   Isn’t it?

Why? (That is an interesting question!!)

I don’t know, no, or do I?.

I used to write poems from childhood. I used to paint interesting (not artistic or good) paintings, I used to sing well when encouraged. I was so soft by nature that I never snapped back or quarreled with anybody who troubled me. And what about now? Don’t ask(and I suggest don’t try provoking me if you care for your health 😛 )

Ohh enough of this “I was like this…” “I was like that…”

Why I am not like that now?

At least do I have my precious smile still?

Its there always, I know, someone brings it back always, but its not long lasting like it used to!!

I am rethinking about these changes today!!!

Reasons? Will find out soon.

I am thinking all this today because few hours ago, while chatting with my co-worker friends,  I remembered an incident of past. In 12th,  I was very ill. My father too had lost his hope and at least once he thought he will never see me again. But I was oblivious to all these things and was as usual cheerful. When doctor told me I am ill with something and its little dangerous, I just replied,” Hey doc, just tell me how many days you want to cure me? I need to plan some study also. I am in 12th man!!!’. I never got why both doctors were stunned for few seconds and my father actually looked away.
And let me tell you, I just believed in my will-power, to make all these people smile again, I fought with those (I forgot names) illnesses (good word 😀 , disease is bad word ) and finally got rid of them.
The doctor and his wife said later, ” I have never had a patient like this. Because of him, I was able to cure other patients around him in less time.”

A grand new quest to bring smile back to my face is undertaken by myself. Will be joined by you-know-who soon.


P.S.  If this post is too much “About Me” or too much “I” “I” then “maaf karo bhai”(apologies) 🙂